Friday, November 18, 2005

I wonder how does it feel to be betrayed, in a sense. It's repugnant, and saddening.

*Shady's Back Again*5:53 PM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Perhaps you don't know, I don't mean it anymore. I've waited for too long and it's hurting me. I hate hurting myself, so don't force me.

*Shady's Back Again*2:29 PM

Saturday, July 02, 2005

You know the one thing about music is that though practise is allegedly supposed to make it perfect, but not perfect all the time.


After hours of dazzling practice and having seemingly reached the realm of perfection, there are times (many times) when things just don't piece together the way you'd wish. Prodigies aside, more average humanbeans like me have been often reported to encounter "screw-ups". It's a moment of anguish and disbelief when whatever you've achieved just simply eludes your beckoning, faraway, non-existent.


During exams, performances, even lessons - as long as pairs of eyes other than your own are casting a casual glance at you, you lose it. That's the case for me I suppose, sadly and helplessly I resign to my fate, and attempt to compensate by extra practice which of course, doesn't necessarily pay off.


Okok, modulation from that stupid shame of mine. The HCI internal syf showcase was hilarious, right gloria? The band doesn't even house a single oboe nor a bassoon! I might call that a blasphemy to the family of woodwinds. And the problem with winds and brass is that they fail to move to the music, rather content with their ramrod straight posture while inhaling reservedly into their mouthpieces. Perhaps the drama center stage is too cramped for these otherwise excellent musicians to shine through, and not to mention a certain someone who wears white gloves while playing the french horn =) The overall atmosphere ends up very stiff and polite, like a bunch of aristocratic sight-readers.


The conductor of the string orch is... haha. A tad plump on the lower body. Gosh, no offence intended but trevor should take pride in his counterpart. The whole programme is at best stifling, apart from the shostakovich 2nd move which I love loads. Following, silver-medalist English drama presented a rather comical play (but under-developed in plot and lacking just a bit of x-factor.)


Somehow, I feel obliged to take care of my rancid homework. Suddenly have an urge to go back to the 1940s Shanghai and become a xiaojie in one of those old mansions, with a few stepmothers wagging around and tons of nerdy brothers. The image just strikes me dumb.

*Shady's Back Again*7:51 PM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

So holidays are going to snap shut in three days time. How comforting, I can't bear to reset my alarm clock to that painful 5.55am. (5 mins for me lagging in bed) O.K. Forget about it, I've learnt to go with the flow and fit into the system rather than perpetually sticking out like a sore thumb.


I like my holidays, seriously. It's not perfect, not that type of dream vacation in Swiss or Honolulu (bikini galore!)but it has been fulfilling anyways. How hopelessly stupid and selfish have I been in trying to elope with the responsibility to play in FOA! Now I'm addicted to full orchestra pracs and the seductively bouncy sound of the bassoon. At last I can identify the diff timbre of the wind instruments, which I had always miserably failed in my HMP days. No wonder Vivian gongong can chicken-feetedly tell the sounds apart, Weezer! =) Btw Vivian's hair is cool. I love sexy curls. What pity that I only possess shreddy layered brownish hair.


Dunman High's Copland piece is cool man. Hybrid of true americanish tunes and alludes to scottish country dances, with sticky syncopation which I've given up on. But the RI rendition of Suk is still my first take, period.


(clears vomit) Sze kept a pet baby snake! SNAKE! and force fed it chicken breast and new-born baby mice. I need to clear my earwax, definitely. No kidding, and I've got to attend to my baby flea soon, for it might have given birth, after blogging this. ^^


Should I take music in JC? Got lambasted by my piano teacher today again for having given up on Music when I could have chucked Japanese or taken on both and efficiently suffocated inside. Ok, truth be told, I'm (mildly) jealous at shunhong being able to play that appasionata thingy. I must be able to do something on par with that lor! Chopin Ballade and Rachmaninov prelude, I've henceforth decided =)


It could have been a dream, for it is still one. And I'm glad to live in it. Be with me and renew my faith everyday, be with me.

*Shady's Back Again*10:38 PM

So holidays are going to snap shut in three days time. How comforting, I can't bear to reset my alarm clock to that painful 5.55am. (5 mins for me lagging in bed) O.K. Forget about it, I've learnt to go with the flow and fit into the system rather than perpetually sticking out like a sore thumb.


I like my holidays, seriously. It's not perfect, not that type of dream vacation in Swiss or Honolulu (bikini galore!)but it has been fulfilling anyways. How hopelessly stupid and selfish have I been in trying to elope with the responsibility to play in FOA! Now I'm addicted to full orchestra pracs and the seductively bouncy sound of the bassoon. At last I can identify the diff timbre of the wind instruments, which I had always miserably failed in my HMP days. No wonder Vivian gongong can chicken-feetedly tell the sounds apart, Weezer! =) Btw Vivian's hair is cool. I love sexy curls. What pity that I only possess shreddy layered brownish hair.


Dunman High's Copland piece is cool man. Hybrid of true americanish tunes and alludes to scottish country dances, with sticky syncopation which I've given up on. But the RI rendition of Suk is still my first take, period.


(clears vomit) Sze kept a pet baby snake! SNAKE! and force fed it chicken breast and new-born baby mice. I need to clear my earwax, definitely. No kidding, and I've got to attend to my baby flea soon, for it might have given birth, after blogging this. ^^

Should I take music in JC? Got lambasted by my piano teacher today again for having given up on Music when I could have chucked Japanese or taken on both and suffocating inside. Ok, truth be told, I'm (mildly) jealous at shunhong being able to play that appasionata thingy. I must be able to do something on par with that lor! Chopin Ballade and Rachmaninov prelude, I've henceforth decided =)


It could have been a dream, for it is still one. And I'm glad to live in it. Be with me and renew my faith everyday, be with me.

*Shady's Back Again*10:15 PM

Monday, June 13, 2005

I shall hereby assume the role of a highly stimulated regurgitating machine and thereafter perform the task of recounting a day's events. (My first try at this kinda entry, so don't expect any linguistics.)


We had our NYSE camp today, much to our chagrin, it was after all a day camp. Bye to all those wistful scheming of nightgames and horror flicks and classroom cockroach attacks.


The whole morning was devoted to inter-groups station games, and our 5 dear facilitators-turned-slackers - Yi/Li-bing, Priscilla, Percy Archer and me, yes you've guessed it - SLACKED. Muahaha, I love the music room bathed in the cool air of vrooming air-cons paired with that ever so seductive Yamaha babygrand.


Uh-oh. I suddenly unearthed from my jumbled mind that I have to air some juicy gossips here: Tan Li Bing and Nicolson Ng Bo wen are officially an item! An item, a single item, and imagine the intimacy involved duds =) Give some whoots, catcalls, dogyelps, whatever that's in you to congratulate our new sweethearts! Muahaha, I feel so evil. I shouldn't be the only one who's constantly abash with scathing rumours, hor?


As I've always been kinda lackin in the nourishment of fresh gossips somehow, some people may find this declaration of union quite passe. Oh well, this is for those who don't yet know, or ain't quite sure.


Alrighto, back on track. So XiangjunPeiying&Mengtian went to sixth ave on our old ye faithful callused feet during lunchbreak. I'm sorta used to scaling mountains and crossing rivers to find edibles nowadays. So...COFFEEBEAN&TEALEAF! (the tealeaf part is quite redundant lah.)And thanks to the art of care and share, I got my share of iceblended at 3 bucks. Hehe, and we made a helluva amount of screechy girly voices which seriously traumatised the customers and waiteresses there. Oh man, my darling langlang I'm so in love with you! See, I'm bimbo. Or rather in a more elegant manner, BIMBI =)


Sheet-o-rama. I don't feel like blogging liao, muaboohoo! Ok, since my summary skills have been in the doldrums all the while, i shall henceforce attempt to sharpen it in the last sentence of my entry.


We practised ZauberfloteChavarriReineckeSuk and played a adrenalinepumped game devised by none other than our dear beloved? conductor.


Argh. I failed. I must add sommore verbatim here. "Suk and SYF pieces sounds as nice as hyenas chasing flying mozzie larvae." - Mengtian. Oh I forgot to mention that mel-gong-gong is so pro and cute! SO CUTE! =)=)=)

*Shady's Back Again*10:20 PM

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Urgh, don't feel like blogging again. But shall at least report my scruffy doings for the past dunno how many days.


SIA execution is nearly slowing to a halt, not that the no. of convicts have decreased, but more like the executioner is bored.


Watched Jet Li's Unleashed, he has proudly become my new idol. I nearly cried when that perverted fat botak old hag shoved him around like a dog, locking him up in lightless dungeons after fight after fight, while having major fun grabbing g-strings off new babes everyday. Perverted.


Anyways Jet Li's Kungfu is utterly incredible. I don't care about whatever special effects that may have been injected but he's one TRUE martial fanatic. Love him =) Morgan Freeman's acting skills as a piano tuner is admirable too, perhaps I'm just biased at the very mention of piano, muahaha.


Musically educated girls will NOT be prostitutes, hear that.


Love Esplanade too, met Benson Chua sashaying through Citylink Mall, he's quite petite but adorable anyways.


Met Jason Ingham too, he stared inquiringly at me for like 4 seconds but I preferred not to socialise with teachers that moment so I just strutted into a nearby shoppe. Phew. Argh, speaking of Ingham, Seow Hwee is leaving... Boohoo ='(


After a sudden epiphany on Monday, I've decided to re-take-up my piano lessons. Phoned Miss Sim and told her I miss her like siao. She jovially asked me why did i play truant for 6 months, after which we reconcilled! Sob. Oh well lessons starts next week still at my beloved NAFA, so I'd better be off preparing that sickly seductive Rachmaninov prelude I've been slaving on intermittently.


Feel so sorry for my cello, I'm just too lousy to be motivated. Anyways muacks to a certain somebody x)

*Shady's Back Again*7:19 PM

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Why am I such a two-faced wimp? This damned dilemma has to end, I don't even know what made me say such things. Such contradicting statements. Do I want to live in a lie? Why can't I just strip off my damned facade and live like a real, blameless Man?


Yeah It's Like That. I love conflicts. Internal ones.


Sweet, sweet conflicts.

*Shady's Back Again*11:20 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Holidays are just unfolding, and I'm already losing touch, directionless and lethargic as usual.


Nowadays I'm constantly having affairs of the heart, and realising that in a flurry to know more about the outside world, I've neglected my inner spectrum.


"I don't understand myself. YET." the stock excuse is becoming annoyingly feeble. I never seem to be getting a grip on myself.


Talked with Mrs Ho and Satay, they think highly of my results this term and reckon I'm too harsh on myself, comparing my everything with others who are better, and end up miserable.


I took a look at my marks, as usual, I'm disturbingly average with everything. I've told myself countless times that I've got to have a thing or two to be exceptionally good in since sec 1 when my flood of average marks actually managed to secure me a undeserved 1st position.


Freak. I again eluded myself in discovering my passion. None at all, everything is a duty, a burden to me, perhaps I've lost my zest of life.


True enough I may not know about other ppl's woes and limitations, and I shouldn't be making hasty judgement about them upon seeing only a few facets. I just can't seem to grasp a sense of inner contentment, I blame myself, I blame others, I've got a despicable personality to pair with my arrested intellect. What more am I looking for!~ All the SHIT in the world is pile high up on my plate. Shit is my staple.


At this rate I'm never going to be different, and respected. I'm a nobody, perhaps a joker, lost in the never-ending tide of time. I can't picture myself several years later, whether still stuck in the search for self identity, or have already found it, or whatever. I just can't picture it. I'll just naive my way through life, contend myself with superficiality.


Don't blame me for being superficial, for I simply can't find the deeper side of me.

*Shady's Back Again*5:14 PM

Friday, May 06, 2005

I'm transmogrifying into a horrid compulsive workaholic.


The slightest wastage of time renders me utterly petrified and laden with a thick layer of clingy guilt.


Like the absence of a test next day will make me feel unfulfilled.


Next week is a week of languages, and I'm proud to be ineffectively tri-lingual =)


Talk about "BUSYNESS" man.


Anyways flopped into cineleisure to watch Orlando's Kingdom Of Heaven today. Utter gore and at least 200 gallons of blood-spill. Beheading is a breeze, and the naked face of a leper - allow the grotesqueness to sink in.


On the other hand, Orlando's acting capacity has widened slightly and impressed me with his ostensibly rippling muscles. unmistakable resemblance to Troy-class of films whereby enemy troops station their bums outside the castle containing wimpy civilians and the HERO, attempting to push lighthouse like structures to the walls to assist in the bulk delivering of men into the fortress. Oh well.


Perhaps I should go back to untangling the seductive myth of Integration and applications. Yeah, I shall do that.


"What's the use of a woman when she can't bring good to the world?"

*Shady's Back Again*9:35 PM

Monday, May 02, 2005

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.

Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.

It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.

But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

*Shady's Back Again*2:44 PM

Sunday, May 01, 2005

*A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory*

*Shady's Back Again*9:40 PM

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

BRAVO NYSE!

I can't say anything anymore. The feeling's just way over words.


All the apprehension, uncertainty, insecurity is duly transformed into ecstacy and uncontrollable sweet sorrow.


We've proved ourselves not to be some "not-important cca" as Adrian Chan has foolishly declared. Yes, we were like nobodys. Nobodys who work damn hard and focused, away from the limelight and manage to make it there unto the center stage. (In the meantime, he'd better do some reflections and plead guilty) RISE standard does not seem so unreachable anymore, though they are still decidedly a notch above us.


The feeling of being on top of this world just so freakin good =)

*Shady's Back Again*9:50 PM

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Music is such sweet sorrow.


So many hours of gruelling practise transform into that few glorious/disastrous moments.


Then it's over.


I hope for everything, yet I've got nothing to hope for. Tis not a deliberate paradox.


So many moments that I long to relive. I long.


Listen to me, with me.

*Shady's Back Again*8:15 PM

Sunday, April 24, 2005

I'm Ready To Revamp My Life.


I need a High Class life.


which starts with Coffeebean Ice Blended™ =)


Funny, I've taken a liking for derri-holes and stretch marks.

And certainly my iPod m i n i

*Shady's Back Again*2:02 PM